Skip to main content

MINDING OUR MANNERS

Image
By
This article is dedicated to my English Grammar teacher
Fr. James J. Donnelly, S. J. (1929-2009)
and his "Brown Bomber"

There is an anecdotal story of a Western salesman coming to Nepal and showing his ware to prospective buyers. Every time the salesman asked whether they liked something, the Nepalese traders would shake their heads from side to side. The salesman soon left very disappointed, never knowing that the Nepalese were absolutely pleased by what they saw and their appreciative head-shake meant "Yes, we like it!" Rudyard Kipling wrote, "Oh, East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet" in his eponymous ballad. Indeed our manners and mores can be confusing to others.

Westerners are alarmed by the habit of the Nepalese sticking their tongues out looking like reincarnated goddess Kali destroying the demon Mahisasura, especially if they have been chewing paan, betel leaves. They need not be alarmed; it is a simple expression of shock intermingling with relief indicating that a big calamity was averted at the last minute. It is an "Oh! What could have happened!" reaction. In the olden days when one yawned, a companion would "snap" his or her fingers several times making loud popping sound. I never knew the reason why. When one sneezed, a friend would exclaim, "Luxmi Narayan!" It was an invocation to the Gods for blessing against sickness. You find people blowing at their fingers if they inadvertently touch their throat. The reason? Perhaps just superstition.

Foreigners riding taxi cabs must notice the number of times the driver touches his forehead as he passes by temples and stupas; as he crosses streams and rivers. It is a flying salute to the Gods, an acknowledgement of His holy presence en route. It is also a quick oneness with divinity before Kathmandu's worsening traffic pressure brings back the devil's own sanguinary thoughts.

Nepalese laughter can be sometimes annoying: people even laugh if you nearly maul them down in the chaotic streets of Kathmandu. No, they are not taunting you; they are admitting guilt with shame for having broken the rules, shame for having been in such a tight spot in the first place. Western faces would darken with fear and anxiety while we Nepalese blush and smile - an anachronistic portrayal of unmitigated innocence.

Foreigners visiting our dignitaries in their offices or watching news on TV are aghast at the ubiquitous Chinese bath towel with bold floral prints draped on every official chair. Why is the use of the towel re-invented by us? Possibly because its use prevents sweat from ruining the original upholstery and save our tax payers' money. Or is it because of the lack of a hook in the toilet? This is a great subject for an anthropologist!

I remember a real life story told to me by my friend Mikhail Vinding who was in the Danish Foreign Service at the time of King Birendra's state visit to Denmark. At a formal reception a waiter was about to hand over a glass of wine to His Majesty with his left hand; Vinding quickly intervened and took the glass in his own correct hand before serving the king. A faux pas was averted! In Nepal one does not offer anyone, may he be a prince or a pauper, anything with the left hand. Left hand is for unclean acts. Foreigners should be careful while showing off their ambidexterity!

How many times while sitting at restaurant tables are we rudely surprised by a loud belch emanating from a nearby table? The person has had his fill and he is appreciating it with bad table manners by today's etiquette, but it was probably not so disgusting even a generation back. I was reading that a Chinese guest shows utmost appreciation of his host's hospitality by belching loudly: the host knows that his guest is full.

Talking about table manners how we Nepalese love eating dal-bhat with our fingers, a feat very difficult to master, perhaps as difficult as eating sticky rice with chopsticks to us. Foreigners need not try to please us; it is well accepted that they eat with knives and forks when invited to Nepali homes. As for me I always use western implements because I am afraid I would eat twice the amount with fingers! The food certainly tastes better.

But there is one bad Nepali habit I do not condone; even many of the Western-educated slurp their soup loudly at formal tables. Soup was never part of our diet, I guess, but we should learn to do in Rome as the Romans do. The age of innocence is over. Ke garne?

Comments

  1. GovindAugust 28, 2009 at 10:05 AM

    Like languages there are variations of expression in different cultures and in my opinion they are to be admired and respected.
    It would be a very boring world indeed if everyone behaved and acted the same way!
    Govind

    ReplyDelete
  2. HoratioDecember 9, 2009 at 2:59 PM

    Excellent insights put hilariously. May I add one more...while a child, if I sneezed after dark, someone always bawled at me "Gu kha"!!
    You are absolutely right. The food tastes better when eaten by one's fingers. I have forsaken all western cutlery while eating lunch at home.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

FEATHERS IN THE CROWN

By
As a kid I used to gape in wonderment at the magnificent crown my father possessed not knowing that the jewels were only for show. The dark green emerald drops were made of glass, the sparkling diamonds were probably zirconium and the pearls were not of the best sort. Every Rana general had his personal crown in those days and my father was no exception. I did not recognize the difference between this personal crown of father's and the other more valuable crown of the Nepalese Commander-in-Chief of the Army that my father was seen wearing in many a portrait displayed about the house. Little did I know that my father was the last person to put on his head the army chief's crown from the Rana era, real glittering diamonds, snow white pearls and thumb-sized emerald drops and all. The feather in the crown was the magnificent plumes of the Bird of Paradise that gave it such a majestic look. Nepal had only three crowns that were genuinely the real stuff bedecked with expensive pea
23 comments
Read more

RANI MAHAL, THE STORY OF ITS MAKER

By
PROLOGUE Rani Mahal Palpa The first time I ever saw this historical edifice thirty five years ago, she was in ruins and looked like an old hag during the winter of her life, simply waiting for her eventual demise. I was then on my way further west on a week-long trek from Tansen to Tamghas in Gulmi District. Thirty five years later, I found myself at the same spot once again, this time out there on purpose. I had seen pictures of the building with a coat of new paint before and I wanted to see how much change had been made by the Nepal Government’s Department of Archeology.  Yes, the outer façade still looked brand new with fresh paints, which to me personally was a bit too gaudy. But when I walked through the inside of the building and saw nothing but empty rooms without even a single piece of furniture, my enthusiasm took a nose dive . And when I entered one room where there was a fireplace with the floor in front of the hearth still looking as black as charcoal, I assu
4 comments
Read more

THE GLORIOUS UNCROWNING

By
T he 104 years of Rana Regime of Nepal reviled today as a monolithic juggernaut from without was anything but when viewed closely from within. The struggle for power within the family was as acute as those among the Roman emperors or Mughal rulers. Out of the nine Rana prime ministers only four died while in office, one was assassinated, two were prematurely ousted from office, the last one had to step down to give way to proto-democracy. Only one among the nine actually resigned voluntarily while in office. This is his story. Maharajah Juddha Shumsher So why did Maharajah Juddha Shumsher Jung Bahadur Rana resign bucking the trend? Was it because he was afraid that he would be ousted like one of his predecessor Maharajah Dev Shumsher? Was he afraid that there was some nefarious plot to assassinate him like his uncle Maharajah Ranauddip Singh? When one makes a decision of such magnitude, there must have been multiple factors influencing him to come to such a decision. Had he not
13 comments
Read more